How to Start with Non-Monogamy

Diving into non-monogamy can be both thrilling and a little intimidating. If you’re curious about exploring this relationship style, it all begins with some self-reflection, a bit of education, and open conversations with potential partners. Here are some friendly and practical tips to help you embark on your non-monogamous journey.

First things first, whether you’re single or already in a relationship, it’s important to get in touch with your motivations. You need to understand what you want to explore in non-monogamy, and especially why. This clarity will help you communicate your needs to potential new or existing partners. Be honest with yourself about your reasons for wanting to explore non-monogamy. Are you looking to discover new connections, meet emotional needs, or spice up intimacy with existing partners? Perhaps you’ve met someone new and don’t want to lose your current partner. Understanding what drives you will guide your journey and help you express your intentions clearly to those you’re involved with.

Next, arm yourself with knowledge about different non-monogamous relationship models. Familiarize yourself with terms like polyamory, open relationships, and swinging, as each has its own unique rules and expectations.

It’s imperative to know what you are comfortable with, and when you understand which type of non-monogamy suits you, you’ll often find a community of people who have gone through the same experiences. This community can help you navigate any challenges you may face. There’s a wealth of information available—think books, podcasts, and engaging online forums dedicated to non-monogamous lifestyles. These resources can provide valuable insights and help you feel more prepared.

Once you’re clear on your motivations and educated about the various styles of non-monogamous relationships, it’s time to have a conversation with your partner(s). Open and honest discussions are essential! Share your desires and don’t shy away from voicing any concerns you might have about entering the world of non-monogamy. Setting clear boundaries and establishing ground rules will ensure that everyone feels safe and respected as you explore new relationships together.

Make sure to give your partner the space and time to do the same groundwork you’ve done, if they need to. Of course, it’s possible that your partner may not want to join you on this journey toward non-monogamy, or even may not want you to pursue this path at all.

Give yourself and your partner time, and remember that you can’t force or blame them if they are not interested. This might seem obvious, but it happens more often than you might think. If your partner doesn’t want to participate, you have two choices: you can either remain monogamous and work together to find happiness in other ways, or you can choose to end the relationship.

If your partner does want to explore this path with you, after reading and educating yourselves together, you’ve laid down some foundational groundwork. This would be a great time to seek out communities of like-minded folks. Look for online platforms, local meetups, or events tailored for non-monogamous individuals. Connecting with others who share your journey can provide support, valuable insights, and a sense of belonging, making the transition feel a lot smoother.

Lastly, keep in mind that there’s a learning curve ahead. Non-monogamy often requires ongoing conversations and adjustments as you and your partners navigate this new landscape together. Stay open to feedback and be prepared to adapt your approach as needed.

With patience and a commitment to growth, you can cultivate meaningful non-monogamous relationships that enrich your life in wonderful ways. A helpful rule of thumb to remember is: you develop this at the speed of the slowest partner.

Speed dating for non-monogamous people

The polyamory community increasingly asked the question: how do I meet people for dating? Dating is explicitly not allowed at many events and many dating apps do not work well if you are non-monogamous.

That is why a number of people from the community have joined forces to make this possible.  We therefore have no commercial objective. The events are organized by, for and with the community. 

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